Why “Nice” Leaders Avoid Difficult Conversations – And How to Help Them Take Action
You’ve seen it before.
There’s a performance issue in the team. Everyone knows it. The signs are clear. Yet the leader in charge—the one who’s usually warm, supportive, and well-liked—just won’t address it.
You’ve tried training, shared models and had one-on-one discussions. But nothing changes. The conversation still doesn’t happen.
So what’s going on?
The Problem With “Nice”
It often comes down to this: the need to be liked outweighs the need to lead. Many leaders hesitate to address performance issues not because they don’t care, but because they do. They care about their relationships, about being seen as fair and they care about not upsetting people.
But that caring turns into avoidance—and avoidance hurts the team.
The solution isn’t to change who they are. It’s to give them a better path forward.
Tip – How to Help “Nice” Leaders Have Difficult Conversations
Let’s face it—asking someone to go from avoiding conflict to launching into a direct confrontation is a huge leap. For many leaders, especially those wired to maintain harmony, most performance management models feel too confrontational.
So rather than a 180-degree turn, let’s aim for 20 or 30 degrees.
Here’s the shift: instead of confronting performance, start reviewing it.
Why Review Works
Reviewing is familiar. It’s constructive. It’s low pressure. People already do it in their own heads—“What went well? What didn’t?”—so this approach simply brings that reflection into a conversation.
This shift works because it feels natural, not adversarial.
The Review Conversation in 3 Simple Questions
You can teach your leaders to start with something small—like a recent project, a meeting they ran, or a client interaction—and ask:
What did you do well?
What would you do differently next time?
And if needed, gently add:
Here’s what I think you could do differently next time.
That’s it. No conflict. Just conversation. And yet—the performance is being addressed.
Small Doses. Big Impact.
Don’t wait for a single annual review or formal intervention. This method works best when used regularly. Have frequent, small chats. Keep it specific. Use everyday situations. This turns feedback into a habit, not a hurdle.
Over time, even the most hesitant leaders get comfortable. The “nice” ones learn they can be kind and candid. And the performance issues? They finally get addressed.
Need Help Turning This Into a Habit?
We’ve been helping organisations shift team culture and improve leadership effectiveness for over 30 years. If you’re ready to turn “nice” into effective, give us a call.
📞 0412 490 250
Let’s make it easier for your leaders to lead.
